I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
