Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
