I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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