is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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