hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
