I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Randomize
