She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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