I murdered the dance floor call the cops
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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