Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
