Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
