Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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