He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
