You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
