i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
