I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
