I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
