He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
