I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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