Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
