that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
