Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize