Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
