Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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