I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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