Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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