you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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