On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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