Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
