Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
