Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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