Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
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The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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