Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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