If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
