my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
