To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
