Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
