i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
