I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just had sex on a roof
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