By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
ttyl tear gas
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
