I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
