i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
