I just saw a hot homeless man
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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