and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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