I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
