if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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