i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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