I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
