I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
