you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
