What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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