How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
