Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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