What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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