So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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