when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I enjoy the company of your penis
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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