I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize