Don't EVER smell your tampon
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
