My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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