if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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