The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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