Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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