I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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