What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
